“One of my favorite books taught me that to live without balance is to live with chaos. This morning I felt a moment of clarity. The idea of balance filled my head and I felt as if I had found an answer to a question that I had never fully understood.
I'd accepted that I have been ruled by a chaotic darkness. I'd accepted that it’s just the way things are; but that's not right. I had never considered the option that I am allowed to change my reality. To learn how to manage my depression while being kind to myself and others is a lot harder than it sounds.
It’s a reward worth the risk. I don’t want to live without balance in the chaos anymore.”
“For the first time in my life, I feel that I’m allowed to be myself. I feel free; free from the pressure and stress that I’ve been putting myself under; free from regrets of the mistakes I've made in the past. I’m learning to let go and be myself without any judgement. I am the here and now. This is me. I’m enjoying being myself. I can take an overdue moment to breathe. It feels amazing.”
“This is dissociation. This is watching my life as if it were a movie. I see my body going through the motions while my brain struggles to keep up. It’s always uncomfortable when I realize that I’ve been dissociating; but it’s not always that bad. I rarely experience that discomfort these days.”
“Her mind is an ocean
disturbing thoughts come in
as she struggles to
reach the shore
she calls sanity.
I wrote this poem when I was 15. Six years later, I still resonate with every word.”
“I remember how it feels to be small when I’m surrounded by nature. There is so much going on when you're sitting still and listening for it. You can hear the trees rattle and watch the birds as they fly back to their nests to take care of their young.You can feel the warmth of the sun as it peeks through the clouds. Exploring Colorado and appreciating the life around me feels so rewarding. It helps me stay grounded. l like feeling small.”