archival : this can be the catalyst :
Sitting in my car crying over another stupid male.
Wanting something I can't have, holding hope for a scenario that doesn't exist. It's still sad. It's still disappointing. I knowingly led myself into heartache and I was gently guided there too. Jonathan taught me a subtle lesson here tonight: don't push, don't pursue. Don't expect, don't hope. Just be. Be okay with being, and being single is okay. This sounds familiar... have I exercised this, before? Okay, so I'm capable, just out of shape.
I have men knocking down my door and I went for the one that was least probable. And now, now that I know I'm done chasing, I have to exercise my chance to be who I want to be and not just react to attraction. I have to be a friend.
Even then, I'm not a very happy friend. I feel a bit wronged. I feel a bit led on. But I can't be like that, I can't, because I don't want to be that grudging person. Honestly, I care about the guy. Not like some great inflated love, not nearly. But I care, like humans should. Well, maybe I shouldn't, but I do. And because I do, I care more that my friendship doesn't waver; because that's the kind of person I want to be.
Now to put it into action. Go!