archival : clean slate :
I cleared the chalkboard wall of Nick's mural tonight. My face was expectedly messy: faucet time extraordinaire. One of the harder things I've pushed myself through to completion. You'd think removing such a huge reminder from my main living space would lift a strain, but it also succeeded in leaving this place feeling more hollow and foreign than ever. I will miss the drawing as much as I will miss this apartment; it had become somewhat of a sanctuary, after all. As some icing on an already layered cake, the drawing was a larger depiction of Nick's first tattoo idea. I'll never see the real thing but there's a little stamp in my memory now. Tomorrow, the wall will be painted white.
White, back over black, back over Dylan and my first project after moving in together. Now that I have a picture of. Dylan, unlike Nick, has removed himself from the list of disgrace. He is a reminder that I do affect people, and people do change, and so do I. So here I am, painting it back tomorrow, starting over again.