// part of a soul project
Wow. I made it here. There have been times in my younger life when I didn't count on or couldn't imagine that my life would still be taking shape, much less in this unfathomable form. My mind still races ahead and I still have one scoundrel of an inner critic, though she has quieted substantially. Lately she's been captaining my ship less and swabbing deck more. I've been banishing her so frequently nowadays that she only has much of a chance to steer when I'm rendered most vulnerable.
She looks just like me with a harrowed visage, and she talks to herself while scrubbing, throwing her voice my way when she thinks to try swaying me. I still don't appreciate her tone, and so her presence nags. I ought to work with her in the future to find some resolution. For a while I've been aiming to banish her completely, but now I'm not sure that's right. She is who she has been because she was taught by example and experience. Perhaps this ever-new me can alleviate both of our suffering and help her transform into a form we can be proud of and whom I can safely consult. A healthy inner critic is completely necessary for navigation after all... and so then logically she must deserve to exist! So, there it is. I need her as my ally so I can tune and check myself, so I can gaze upon hidden perspectives that I then use to steer my vessel through life. I yearn for her council. And it's supposed to have been her job to hold up those damn mirrors for me—I only took the job away for all the poison on her tongue! She's had an arduous life; I must now forgive her.
So, I'll set a new example for her to follow, an example of compassion, gentle and firm, and I will give her back her power when I trust her to wield it with our safe passage in mind. Shit, we're going to make one hell of a beautiful team.
Today I fully recognize her, and so today she earns a name within my growing inner coven. Welcome,
C R I T I C A //