archival : repeat :
Personal nutshell: Ivan.
To fight to keep from losing my friend, or not to fight.
I don't have the energy to fight.
I fought for gerald, and it was useless.
I was useless.
I feel useless, again.
I am worthwhile, I know. Its mantra I have to repeat to remember.
Being tossed aside hurts like hell.
Do you know what you've given up, gerald?
Do you know what you've given up?
Why do they give me up.
Tanner is my one shining hope, the one person who will never give me up,
even if just in terms of friendship. He's been a good friend the whole ride through,
and I love him for it.
Sometimes it feels like the word "love" has lost all depth
because I've bestowed it upon partner after partner.
But isn't that the point, to have loved? And I do love, with all of me.