a Soul Project

archival : I stand corrected :

Where do I begin.
Three years of my stupidity revealed in one act of kindness,
of curiosity.
Of love? Of love.
He loves me.
and he always has!?

What relief, what beautiful angst.
There has never been such weight in my life, such lasting importance,
and suddenly it has been given new purpose.
I want things I can no longer have,
but to clarify: I'm happy with the way things are.
I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed.

I'm so unsatisfied and satiated all at once.
I am completely sad and happy.
I am completely scared and excited.
I am completely crazy about him, still,
yet I want something, someone else.
How conflicted my heart feels!
I can't have them both equally, as I want.
I can't lie to either of them.
I can't betray one and thus, can't satisfy another.
I am so lost yet so found.
I am whole, yet still so empty.

Chris is back, and he says he loves me, and always has.
He says he's always loved me.
He says he will always love me.