archival : about being strong :
It's coming soon.
The big move that wedges distance between us,
though we'll persevere to keep it merely physical.
For a minute I had myself fooled.
I thought that maybe it would be quick and easy,
that maybe we'd be so busy we'd become blind to our loneliness.
But I'm lonely for you already.
I tried writing you a letter;
something eloquent to ease your worries
and remind you there's someone out there that cares, always.
But I think you know that even without a letter,
I haven't deserted the task yet, though.
It sits in my dresser drawer with its green pen
and I wait for my heart to will something through my fingers
that will stun and amaze you with its clarity and grace.
But I haven't written like that in forever.
I even tried to explain why,
how you jumble my thoughts because I now have too many,
how this hurricane you've created in my chest
knows not how to escape nor how to willingly cease.
Most of what I say to you is unoriginal, overused,
but as the cliche goes
there really aren't enough words to express
how you breathe this warmth into me.
I will miss your face and your lips and your voice, yes,
but I will miss your laughter and your creativity,
and the way your mouth shapes the words just slightly
when you write things down.
I will miss our silent moments, too.
I've never been able to sit so serenely
and remain so content,
that just your presence can bring peace.
And while I agonize over your absence,
or my absence with you,
I remind myself that no hole has formed,
no rips nor tears between us that hinder or hurt.
Our mutual feelings have solidified and strengthened,
and in this I hold pride.
In you and I, I am proud.
In you I trust.
In you I believe.
In both of us there will be this restlessness,
but in both of us there will be this resilience.
We have come a long way,
and so the journey continues.
this is my happiness.
You are my prize, Gerald.