a Soul Project

archival : you are the one :

It's only the title of a song.
That's what I keep telling myself
every time his face appears within my thoughts.
Andrew, Andrew.
We have nowhere to go, but for once I'm alright with that.
I'm fine knowing that there's no future,
and no definitive end.
I've kept you precious in my mind for so long that even now,
after a week and a night of intensely close proximity,
to think that you're a little more mine than before...
It doesn't seem real!
And I'm excited because you've finally let me in,
if only for this brief moment in time.
And I'm alright with that.
For the first time I'm going to walk away satisfied with a connection
that before I could not suffer imperfection in.
And I'm proud of how I've grown, and continue to grow.
It's strange;
Though I told you about my "deepest, darkest secret,"
You're still here,
and I admire you for it.
I admire you for many things, now.
And I know I faulted you before for the very same reasons,
but how do I explain my desire to be with every piece of someone?
I was selfish and manipulating, without intention.
I was going to try and change you just like I wanted to change Chris,
and everyone else for that matter.
I didn't know that way back when,
but you, Andrew... if there's one thing I want from you,
it's to watch you grow into your own person.
I know this now.
I feel this now.
And although admitting I care about you may hurt me down the road,
I'm going to feel it for you regardless.
And so, with all sincerity,
I care about you.