archival : leaving soon, again :
What's the date?
The 24th of May.
We graduate on the 9th of June.
On the 11th of June, he leaves.
Perhaps I'm nothing to him.
Just another in-between he uses to get by.
How many has he had, before me?
It shouldn't matter.
He's leaving and then where will I be, again.
I haven't attached myself to him.
I've done all I can to keep myself at arms length,
to remind myself that this is
just another phase that will be over soon.
Perhaps I need my pills.
Perhaps it's just one of those nights, you know?
And perhaps this will all end up being nothing more than
another one of my pessimistic musings.
I want to love someone, you know.
I'm waiting to love someone
Someone that wants to be loved, this time.
And frankly, I don't know what Paul wants.
We're perfectly fine, too.
There's not a rift yet in our friendship, our "relationship,"
and so I know I've to be wary of my frustration,
to watch my actions closely so as to prevent drastic decisions.
But I want someone.
Paul or no Paul,
I want someone.
I'm dying to meet that one person out there for me, and I for them.
I'm dying to know them, to hold them,
to let them know I've waited just as long as they have.
And if it's Paul, then it's Paul...
but if it's not,
please don't make me wait.