archival : asking elsewhere :
Look, I don't want to do this again.
I don't want a repeat of last time,
and I sure as hell don't want any new drama.
I really like you, Andrew.
Do you know how difficult that is to say, for me?
Very fucking difficult.
It's taken me a year in therapy so far to say just that.
That I was very angry with my father,
That I was very angry with Chris.
That I continue to be, and need to somehow make amends within.
But now all I can handle is what is physically in front of me,
which right now happens to be you, Andrew. Gerald.
I love your auburn hair. I love how it curls.
I absolutely adore your freckles.
I love the faces you make.
I love your hugs so, so much.
But even as I write about you,
I'm torturing myself!
Because I've only had your lips once,
I've only held you like that twice.
And I've got a hunch I won't be allowed it again.
And I need your touch, more than anything.
Please, please touch me.